Hello yogis and yoginis,
The world didn't end! There's a surprise. I did wonder for a moment yesterday "what if it did", and my answer to myself was definitely "No regrets"! It's not that I've been such a good girl and made no mistakes. It's just that I've chosen to forgive myself for the mistakes and to learn from them. I have lived every day like it was the last. I choose to be me and to live my truth with as much kindness and compassion as I can. I mess up occasionally, but hey, I'm not perfect!
One thing I have learned recently is that I was starting to get confused about balance and symmetry! Balance is really one thing I strive to achieve in life but I think I was making excuses and ending up going towards symmetry! What's the difference? Well, symmetry is when 2 sides are exactly equal and mirror image each other. Nothing in nature is symmetrical. Nature does not seek symmetry but balance. Balance seems to imply that 2 sides do not mirror image each other but they complement each other. They exist in harmony with each other.
I've always said that you need to create balance, harmony, in your life between work and play, exercise and rest, and healthy eating and pigging out on rubbish. While I don't regret the playing I did in 2012, I believe I may have played too hard! You might have heard of the 80-20 theory whereby you exercise and eat well 80% of the time, and then allow yourself to indulge in chocolate or ice-cream (or a bit of champagne!) the other 20% of the time. I was working on eating well, exercising and working hard 6 days a week, and eating rubbish, partying, staying up late for one day a week. That would have been fine if I'd had a roast dinner followed by a sticky toffee pudding, a bottle of wine and going to bed by latest 2 a.m on my one naughty day a week. It's not ok to start the day with Pain Au Chocolate, big meal with pudding at lunch, a small jar of Nutella for snack, Indian curry plus more pudding for dinner, 11 cocktails later and in bed at 5 a.m.! That's just so not ok. While I didn't do that every week, I was doing enough of it for me to realise that soon this day-off is going to kill me! Trust me, while I would have no regrets if the world had ended, I'd rather not die this soon!
While I have no regrets, I'd be a fool if I didn't learn from my mistakes. My intention at the beginning of the year was to be more centred, more balanced, and to be more self-aware. In many ways, I was more aware and centred because, if not, i would not know how off-balance I was in the way that I was living! My intention for 2013 then is to look after my health better so that I can be at my best to care for my family, and to practice what I preach so that you will believe me when I say balance is what we need in life and you are the master of your habits!
Having no regrets involves self-forgiveness but don't let that be an excuse to not learn from your mistakes. Instead, learn, forgive and live by this quote by Maya Angelou, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better". Gratitude is also the key to contentment. I'm so grateful for my good health (which I intend to keep!), for my husband, who allows me to be me, and for my very funny, clever and loving son. I'm grateful that I've had the opportunity to catch up with so many good friends, meet so many new people, and teach so many brilliant yogis. I'm grateful for the money to buy food (even the chocolate and the champagne :-) ), and the time to go and enjoy myself. I'm also grateful for quiet moments, the me-time, to reflect on my life, to practice my yoga and karate, and to miss my daughter (who passed away when she was nearly 4 months old) without falling to pieces. In particular, I am grateful that, instead of becoming hard and bitter after the death of my daughter, I found softness in my heart.
This heart of mine goes out to all who have lost their loved ones, especially the parents of the little ones who were senselessly murdered in Connecticut. I know they are hurting so much right now. I just want to say to anyone who has recently lost, grief is something you cannot get over but must go through. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without beating yourself up. Although time does not heal the way people seem to think it does, over time, you will learn to cope with the hurt and to see that it's ok to feel the hurt and still see the joy in life. It is fine to cry over your loved one and still have happy moments. It's not wrong to be ok for a moment, a day or even more. It's our nature to be happy. Our soul, our true self, is happy and the happiness wants to come through. Your loved one knows this truth too. So don't harden your heart. Don't build walls. Keep living, keep loving, keep trusting. It's not easy at first but it can be done. I know this because I've done it and I'm still here, soft, tender but still open to the love, beauty and joy.
Enjoy the festive season. Be well, be wild, and always be the best you. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New Year, Swadee Pi Mai, best wishes.
Wild Yogi Wendy (I know, I know, as a woman, I should have chosen Yogini but Yogi just sounds better ;-). )